Death

(and things we don't say out loud)

Funny how people are afraid of that word. Yet, everyone is going to experience it one day.

I wonder about death regularly. But I can't openly ask questions and be inquisitive about death, cause then people get alarmed. They might see me as depressed, or worse, suicidal. Yet, I am simply curious.

I've always been. So, where to go? A mortician? A funeral home?

If I were to die today, would my partner simply sigh in relief that it's over? Or would he grieve? Would people be surprised? Shocked? Happy?

Would people actually miss me? Or do people just say that, because it’s what we’ve been installed and programmed to say? One can be relieved. See Jennette McCurdy’s book. She had valid reasons to sigh when it was over for her mother. Don’t get me wrong, wishing death upon someone is very different from not grieving someone’s death, or being curious about your own.

I have no animosity towards anybody in life strong enough to wish them to be gone. I am too calm for that, too balanced. People deserve to live, and to live well.

Why is everybody so afraid of death? Why can't one contemplate death like we do over what to eat for lunch? Who started this faux about death, making it taboo? - Oh wait, I know. Church. The creator of “God and Evil”.

Sex became a sin, and death became a threat.

Tribal nations celebrate death, have special days and festivals about death. Honour death.

It's not like I contemplate how to end my life myself. It's just that I wonder what would happen if I get killed, just like that. Or have an unexpected heart attack. Just poof - gone.

Soul set free; human time is up.

Why is it wrong to wonder?

I do wonder. What else is there to gain?

What else is there to lose?

Not being loved fully. Not being chosen. Not having a kid that needs looking after. If I die now, or in 60 years. What's the difference?

I do manifest to live another 57 years, and so far, all manifestations have worked, one way or the other. In fact, I have learned that manifestation should be rather specific. So maybe I should change live to being alive!

Anyhow, for someone wondering, you are not broken, you are simply curious :) Keep asking the questions and therefore expand life.

I do have a ton more to give, and I am full of love for the world around me. I will easily be able to fill up the next 57 years.

With loving kindness,

Caroline